I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
