sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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