its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
