So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
