WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
