what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
