My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
