im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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