What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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