Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
