Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
