I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
