I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
