I heard we made out
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The uberlube is also flammable
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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