My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
