you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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