The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
