And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize