I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
