Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
