I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
