Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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