So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
