im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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