did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
