yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
