you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
