fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
