You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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