Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
