and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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