holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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