there's paper in my vomit.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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