Where did you get a picture of my penis
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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