YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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