you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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