so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize