My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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