if you like me you must not know who I am
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
