I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
