You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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