it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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