Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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