Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
