I am in a vortex of obligation.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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