i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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