i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
