no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
