i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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