Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
