I'm passing your future prison.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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