you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
