i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
