If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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