There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
