Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
