that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
