I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
