I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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