your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
