So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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