My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
