After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
