Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
