My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
